Working again!

And making pretty god money! Not as good as I would've liked but I try not to be greedy. If I walk away from this weekend having made $800 I'll be very happy.

It was interesting falling back into the routine of dancing last night. Walking through he dressing room I was hit by waves of deja vu. I made $380 last night, and that's pretty good for me. If I had stayed until close I would have definitely cleared $400.... but I guess thats life.

A lot of the dancers I knew have left, and the ones who are still there only remembered me after some reminding. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but  it's still odd having to reintroduce yourself to an entire club.

Last night (like every night) was full of interesting customers, including H., a redneck from Oklahoma who fell madly in love with me by the end of the night, and J., a high school English teacher who repeatedly asked me if I thought I was better than the other dancers working.

I get his type alot. The guys who love to tell me how smart I am, and how much better I am than all the other girls. Guys who like to say things like "Wow, you look like girls I hang out with," subtly implying that we could realistically be friends despite the fact that they're 30+ and married. I never know what to make of these guys. Are they good-hearted but generally misguided, or are they just arrogant douches? I don't know.

Stripping has certainly jaded me to men. Daily objectification isn't good for one's faith in humanity, but despite it all, I still enjoy it and I will be going in again tonight. I'm just glad I have a wonderful man in my life already who routinely reminds me of the good in the opposite gender.

This weekend

I'll be heading back up to Philly for two nights working at my old club.

I miss the money, the glamor, the feeling of empowerment. I'll be staying with a friend who I met working, and who still works there. It promises to be a rip-roaring good time with much drunkenness for all. Unfortunately, parking in the city is super expensive and I'll probably end up spending close to $60 for parking and highway tolls (not to mention gas). It puts a bit of pressure on me to make enough cash to justify the trip, but maybe that'll just improve my hustle.

I have two new outfits, I'm in as good or better shape as when I left, and I have a friend to help me make money. I'm feeling pretty positive about the whole thing. Wish me luck and lotsa financial success.

On a totally separate note, I've started packing for my move to DC and it's really fucking with my head. Moving is making me really look at what's most important to me in my life, and how much of that I want to bring with me.

The idea of living alone with no roommate or family members is a little scary, not because of concerns for my own safety, but because I've never done it before. I'm a creature of contact, I need human relation and I'm terrified that living alone will push me farther into the solitude I've found myself growing accustomed to. I feel oddly alone right now, and I can't decide if it's a bad thing.

Maybe its time for me to do something on my own. Maybe its time that I learn how to be alone without completely self-destructing. Maybe its time for me to learn how to balance solitude with a social life. Up until now I've always been either super social or totally removed from society. Finding balance is something I've never been able to do. Maybe now I'll have to.

I know, I know

Never ever meet a customer outside of the club. Never give a customer your phone number. Never let a customer drive you home... etc etc etc

These are the rules, and I have never broken them... except once.

I tentatively went out to dinner with B. the other night and he was an absolute gentleman. I was pleasantly surprised. He took me out to a 5 star restaurant, opened all doors for me, and treated me like a goddamn princess. He knows that I have a steady boyfriend whom I love very much, and he knows that I will not stray. He didn't put the moves on me, and insisted he merely wanted to be friends.

Maybe I'm naive, but I believe him.

More to come on B.