I had planned on writing an entry about one of my favorite customers today, but my heart just wasn't in it. I hope you will all forgive me for straying from my normal, stripper stories and indulge me while I air some personal business.
I have mentioned vaguely in this journal my boyfriend M. Well, he is no longer my boyfriend. After four years, and 13 days of a wonderful relationship I broke up with him. Not because I didn't love him, or because I had found someone new, but because after such a long time with him, I no longer knew who I was without him.
I still love him immensely, but I am very, very young and need to experience the world for myself before I go committing myself to someone.
For the first time in four years, I am single. I do not know what to do with myself. I am shattered, but quickly realizing how to pick up my pieces. Despite my loneliness, I feel a certain hesitant optimism. Some joy. Some freedom.
I was planning on auditioning soon, but with my new-found solitude I don't know if I could handle it emotionally. Also, my grades should be my first priority right now.
Now back to your regularly scheduled broadcast.
