the first club I auditioned for, didn't hire me.
Maybe it was the short hair, maybe the tattoos, maybe my slightly larger than desirable belly. Regardless of the reason, I was told by the manager that they would "call me in a few days" to let me know their final decision.
Even as I said goodbye to the DJ and he assured me that I was "totally cute" and that they'd "totally call (me) back" I knew with a sinking despair that I, in fact, did not get the job. I tried not to think about why I didn't get the job, I didn't need anymore blows to my already fragile ego, but despite myself, that night, before I went to bed the only thought on my mind was why they didn't like me.
This has been an ongoing question throughout my life. Why don't they like me? Am I too loud? Too overbearing? Do I talk too much? Am I too fat? If someone dislikes me, it is never because they are in the wrong or because of a simple personality clash, it is always somehow my fault. I am a thorough and complete people pleaser. It started early in life and has, as I have come to realize, damaged me a great deal.
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